I was thinking why am i not with other guys instead. I could be myself in front of him. I do not need to put on a mask. I could be myself in front of ppl like "sky". But he would find me childish. And would prefer not to talk. =) Even if it is, i don't like to start a topic and he's waiting for the other party to start a topic. Worse of all we have nothing in common to talk. This means we are not meant to be with each other characterisically. I could bullshit and darling will bullshit together with me. This is love; we can tolerate each other's nonsense. Zi Xiang can do it also. But i choose another guy at that time. And the relationship with other guy end up to be a flop because i choose to put it in a railway track of lies and a mask that's not the real me. We make mistakes and learn. During my learning process, i lose many people that i didn't treasure. But the good thing is i still get my gold, darling. Although fishing and games are in front of me, i know he's there for me if i really need him. He cares, loves and will never leave me. Fate made me learnt my lesson before i met you so i would treasure you more than my past. =) I'll never let the one that fate let gives me. We may be complete irony of each other, we definitely still have things in common. =) I do not need to lose my "links" to know how to treasure him.
I've made arrangements for next week. I'm meeting my poly frens on monday, tuesday 2 at AMK wif Zi Xiang and thursday 1:30 at orchard wif Yippie Yappy Yippie Yippie Yap. Heh.. Wednesday and friday with links. Wah kaoZz i can't wait for tml. =)
LOVED
Y 9:12 PM
Exams.
Tomorrow is my last day of exams. Haha.. I'll be able to enjoy after tml. Yay! And i lost my mood to studying.. Double Yay! Last paper always like that. I've been trying to tell myself that: "study is fun"; "Why do i attend those lecture for?"; " My parents relationship are so bad now, Give them lesser things to worry!"; " How much do I want a better life in future?".
Nothing seem to help. I guess i didn't want things as much as i want them when i was taking my "O" level. I like proving people wrong. They look down on me, thinking i'll not do better than my elder brother. My L1 R5 is better than him. Now what? I didn't have anyone to prove it to anymore and i lose my fighting spirit. I didn't love my parents more than how i love them last time? Why i just couldn't bring myself to studying as hard as before. I could say this is not my best. I can do better than this if i want to. What exactly is wrong with me? Well, i could only try my best for the next semester.
I also want to go uni BUT my GPA is so low. Hmm..I wanted to prove myself wrong that having relationship, working and studying at the same time is OK. But is it really too much? Have i really push myself beyond the limits? I wonder.
I feel that i'm not very good in maintaining a relationship. And i'm nv good at relationship. Last time i never had any long relationship because i dun have confident in myself. Well, you could say ever since the start of this relationship, i'm gaining more confident. Because i believe he could accept me for who i am. He is different from all other guys that i know. He has a good sense of humour(if you really know him), he'll not leave me easily. Maybe it's because of his past that makes him treasure me more in the INITIAL part of the relationship. LOL! Damn, i'm so obsess with him now. Haha.. It's ok. Because he's my bf. =)
I'm trying to catch up with my friends or pasts after my exams. Hehe.. I want to make a promise to the wonderful guy who makes a difference in my life: No matter what I'll never cheat on you, never leave you for other guys. =)
Tata~ Wish me luck for my last paper to whoever reads this.
LOVED
Y 11:04 AM
Happy brithday to myself.
Sunday, August 26, 2007
When i need a listening ears, he just isn't there for me. His ignorant just isn't helping any. Well, i should start blogging again. Sooner or later i'll just lose this relationship. His treatment, everything. Crying my birthday doesn't help either.
My heart just ache so much. My parents seem to want a divorce. I couldn't believe my ears that my brother actually ask my mother to divorce. Maybe he's using a reverse psychology. My mother seem to link all my dad's motion into him still contacting with tt women. It's understandable though. Alright, i've stop crying i should start studying then, i'll update again. =)
LOVED
Y 12:20 AM
